Subject:    [FQA] Frequently Questioned Answers 
            about alt.fan.tom-servo (In This Style 10/6)
From:       Blackhawk
Newsgroups: alt.fan.tom-servo
Date:       Tue, 10 Aug 1999
Message-ID: <openbook-1008991717310001@ppp-asfm02--094.sirius.net>

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                ,+*'| about me! |\_|/\|/***/           "*+,
                +** | *PEEP*,---'  |\/|***/             **+
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                "**          / \/  /***/ \/ \__        ,**"
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FQA 0.0

  >(8)  Alt.fan.tom-servo, the forlorn but plucky love-child of
  >     Babylon 5 flame wars gone silly, and something called kibology.

The following document contains Frequently Questioned Answers to
infrequent questions in the Usenet group alt.fan.tom-servo (and shall be
known as the FQA). It should not be confused with a more common
"Frequently Asked Questions" or "F.A.Q" document that many newsgroups
have. This FQA is maintained by Blackhawk and should not be confused with
the funnier FQA originated by Captain Infinity in 1997 (see credits in
Section 6) and on which this FQA is lovingly based.

What many people will experience while reading this particular brand of
"FQA" is that the most "frequent answers" never seem to directly answer
the question.

This is as it should be. 

Because the "straight" answers, the joke of it, chewed up and spoon fed,
simply isn't funny because it's a royal pain in the ass to document that
much history and relate it in the same way someone else saw it, and then
all you end up with is "your understanding" of how "I personally"
interpreted what happened to "someone else" leaving what "you think I
think" was decided about that event in tom-servo history, so you'll think
you "know what I mean" but what I mean is not really what I'll say, and
then none of us get to hear your fresh interpretation of those memes which
can often be funnier (or at least more interesting) than the original
interpretation anyway... is that clear?

Frequent answers mean "more than one". It's better for you to see more
than one answer because there *is* more than one answer, especially if
your name is Shrödinger (fnord). It's simply more fun for everyone
involved if you try to figure it out for yourself. It's hoped this FQA
will present more of an "experience" of the group than a regurgitation of
the relevant events involved would yield.

In other words; this FQA should be as clear as mud, yet cover the ground.

All of the frequent answers are taken from Usenet posts to aft-s. 
The "Authors" from the excerpts below are listed in the credits (Section
6). Most excerpts are heavily edited and MAY NOT reflect the authors
original intent.

                          SUBJECTS IN THIS FQA

   1 - IS "alt.fan.tom-servo" A MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 GROUP?
   2 - SO, HOW DID THIS GROUP GET STARTED?
   3 - WHAT IS "ON TOPIC" FOR THIS GROUP?
   4 - I SEE (fill in) POSTS HERE, ARE YOU GUYS A BUNCH OF TROLLS?
   5 - SO WHAT KIND OF GROUP IS AFT-S, WHO IS WELCOME HERE?
   6 - WAIT A MINUTE, WAITAMINUTE! I STILL DON'T GET IT
   7 - CLOSING THE RIGHT LOOP (credits and final thoughts)

and LOTS of surprises in between, so let's get started!

*************************************************************************
FQA (Frequently Questioned Answer) 1.1

>> Although from the subject headers, it doesn't seem like this group
>> has anything to do with MST3000 or Tom Servo anyway.
>
>Not much to do with MST3K.  But we Worship Tom Servo.

--
FQA 1.2 

>The MST3K groups are:
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.announce
>alt.tv.mst3k
>alt.fan.mst3k
>
>Although you may, if you wish, post MST3K related messages to AFT-S.
>I know of at least one AFT-S reader who will enjoy seeing them. 

**
Question 1 
     IS "alt.fan.tom-servo" A MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 GROUP?

*************************************************************************
Answer to Unanswered Question in FQA Vers. 0.99

>Tom: More fish flakes, sweet friend? (Singing):
>
>             Oh Tibby, my Tibby, my heart is a mess
>             I don't have a protective shell over my chest
>             So people can hurt me with the cruel things they do
>             Yet somehow, sweet Tibby, I know you hurt too
>             Oh Tibby, my Tibby, reality is hard
>             So Tibby, let's play in the yard
>             Oh Tibby, oh Tibby, he runs like the wind
>             A couple of inches (uh-huh!) and then back again
>             La dah dah...doo doo...
(continues next FQA)

*************************************************************************
FQA 2.1

>As it stands now, it is an eclectic mixture.  Followups there are from
>all the B5 groups, some Star Trek groups, alt.religion.kibology, the
>SubGenius folks in alt.slack, several other TV groups, and assorted
>whatnot.  A newbie downloading headers for aft-s would be baffled as to
>what is on-topic or not.  LOL!  

--
FQA 2.2 

>"tomservo@netcom.com ("Tom Servo") has recently been making a bit of a
>scene on alt.config. Seems he got himself a hold of some newgrouping
>instructions and decided to create every single group he personally
>saw a need for. When he received a bunch of complaints from various
>people interested seeing proper procedures followed, he uttered the
>now-famous rebuttal "Too bad." 

**
Question 2 
     SO, HOW DID THIS GROUP GET STARTED???

*************************************************************************
FQA 3.1 

>*  Happy is on-topic.
>*  Only off-topic posts are on-topic.  Any post that appears to have a
>    topic is off-topic, and therefore on-topic.  Posts which have no
>    topic are, by definition, off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>*  Posts about the South Sea islands are on-tropic.
>*  Posts about trimming hedges into animal shapes are on-topiaric.
>*  Posts about the philosophy of the nature of being are on-tologic.
>*  Posting URL's is on-topic, but only if viewed with Netscape.  MSIE
>    is most definitely off-topic, and I don't think I have to tell 
>    you what that means.
>*  Not thinking is off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>*  Michael Caine is on-topic, but I won't mention him.
>*  Noticing interesting things is certainly on-topic.
>*  Blackhawk is off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>*  Alt.discordia is off-topic.  I mean *waaay* off-topic.
>    So off-topic that it has its own group.  Therefore it is on-topic.

--
FQA 3.2
>*  Posts by Dan Tropea are on-myopic

--
FQA 3.3 

>let's get this straight:
>
>alt.fan.tom-servo is not about "Tom Servo".
>
>alt.fan.tom-servo is also not about Tom Servo.
>
>There.  That leaves one *hell* of a lot of room for what it *is* about.
>Actually, it leaves a near infinite amount of room. 
>In fact, the equation looks like this:
>
>Infinity-("Tom Servo")-(Tom Servo)=(what alt.fan.tom-servo is about).
>
>OK?  That should explain things to even the greenest newbie. 
>I mean, how much clearer can you get than that?

--
FQA 3.4 

>This is alt.fan.tom-servo, where we talk about anything other than
>Tom Servo (neither the real one--the M*d N*wgr**per--nor the phony
>one--the G*mb*ll M*ch*n*).  We're always looking for new inmates.
>Read the AFT-S FQA and get yourself a box of telepathic yellow Peeps
>(avoid the Evil Purple Bunnies) and come and help spread the madness.
>LOOK!  Kermit Krab has been filled with the spirit of the departed
>(and beloved) Chris Farley, and has rejoined us!  A round of
>Anti-Voyager Zombies for everyone, on the house!
>Oh frabjous day!
>Callooh! Callay!

--
FQA 3.5 

>Here's one - On topic is anything that could be produced, eventually,
>by a million monkeys sitting at a million keyboards, banging away.

**
Question 3 
     WHAT IS "ON TOPIC" FOR THIS GROUP?

*************************************************************************
Topical/Tropical ASCII
                                              ,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~,
 Kermit Krab sez:               (+)(+)        |     Kermit Krab is    |
                                 |  |   ,-----| off-topic & therefore |
                               /      \       |     on-topic *peep*   |
                         (  )  \ -==- /  (  ) `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
                           \    \    /    /
                            \  <\/\/\/>  /
                             '-/      \-'
                           ,--/        \--.
                          / --|        |-- \
                         / / --\      /-- \ \
                        ()/ / --`----'-- \ \()
                         ()/ /          \ \()
                          ()/            \()
                           ()            ()   C.I.
*************************************************************************
FQA 4.1 

>> Every poster to usenet is a troll, for each poster wants
>> a response, wants to carry on a discussion.
>
>NOT ME! I WANT TO BE "IMMORTAL" LIKE DARK LORD CRONAN AND HOLD THE
>ENTIRE FLOOR TO MYSELF!
>
>> All this hue and cry about trolls is quite funny.
>
>OH YEAH! YOU WOULDN'T THINK IT WAS SO F**KING FUNNY IF YOU WERE SHORT
>AND LIVED UNDER A GOD DAMMED BRIDGE WITH BILIOUS GREEN SLIME ALL AROUND 
>YOU!!!
>
>> It leads to people mounting a high horse to point
>> out trolls in the (typically argumentative) response.
>
>OH SURE! YOU SIT THERE UPON THE HORSE, ON YOUR LOATHSOME SPOTTY BEHINDS,
>SQUEEZING BLACKHAW..uh BLACKHEADS AND LOOKING DOWN AT US UNDER THE
>BRIDGE LIKE YOU'RE *SPECIAL*! YOU WHINING HYPOCRITICAL TOADIES WITH YOUR
>BLOODY SECRET MASONIC HANDSHAKES ARE JUST BEGGING FOR AN ARGUMENT!!!!!
>
>> As I said, we are all hypocrites. Troll claims
>> are merely reminders of this tenet.
>> 
>I CLAIM THIS TROLL HAS CAUSED ME TO RESPOND *HEATEDLY*!!!!
>I INVOKE THE TENETS!!! I CHALLENGE ALL HYPOCRITES TO REMIND ME!!!

--
FQA 4.2 
                
> Hate-trolls generally have between 8-14 hit points.
[...]
> Blue Hate-trolls are usually around 12-18 hit points.  
[...]
> Purple Hate-trolls, being even more powerful, 
> are typically around 18-24 hit points.
[...]
> 1st level.  You have to get to at least the 5th level before you
> become an Aspect Hate-troll
[...]
> ...OTOH, a jms-troll is usually only worth 2-4 hit points.  But since
> jms is only around 5 HP himself, this isn't necessarily a problem for 
> the troll.

--
FQA 4.3 

>This is funny because TMB quotes one part of a post, and then makes a
>followup comment related to a different part of the post.  It's worth
>3 points.
>
>It would have been funnier if he had put his comment in a followup to a
>different post altogether.  That would have been worth 5 points.
>
>If his comment had been in a followup to a completely different *poster*
>as well, that would have been LOL funny, and worth 10 points.
>
>And if his comment had been in reference to a private email, that would
>have been ROFLMAO!! funny (with two exclamation points), worth 50 
>points.
>
>I can't mention in public what he could have done that would have earned
>100 points, because the mere thought of it would cause you to laugh so
>hard you'd choke on your own larynx.  (It's not a problem for me; I had
>my larynx removed in 1972 so I could think of these things without 
>killing myself.)
>
>Stay tuned for more lessons in "How To Be Funny", which I'll post right
>after I download a picture from rotten.com of a hedgehog making love to
>a bristle brush: 
<http://captaininfinity.us/crossthreads/hedgehog.jpg> 

**
Question 4 
     I SEE (fill in) POSTS HERE, ARE YOU GUYS A BUNCH OF TROLLS?

*************************************************************************
Questionable Definition 4

>>Trollerize (trol er iz) v.: (a piffle of) not-nice irritation.

*************************************************************************
FQA 5.1 

>In a round about way, this gets around to answering Blackhawk's
>original question.  Answer #1:  AFT-S is whatever the hell posters
>want to spew.  Cap himself enlightened me that we are all basically
>entertaining ourselves here.  Shared frame of reference and all that
>jazz comes after.  Or during.  (There's a dirty joke in there
>somewhere.)
>>
>>I think Cap's posts function more like strange attractors, myself.
>
>Answer #2:  AFT-S is Captain Infinity's personal kingdom, legacy,
>fantasy and ego-enhanser.  It wouldn't have held together despite the
>prevailing entropy of Usenet society, but for him - my opinion anyway.
>
>We all dance to his tune.  That's another reason so many have had to
>step out from time to time.  The implications of being a character in
>the Captain's created reality is FRIGHTENING.
>
>>> So how about it gang? What are the "mores" of aft-s? What would you
>>> tell Mariane or recook? 
>
>Enjoy, participate, be offended, take off in a huff, out-trollerize
>the trollers, get off Usenet and get a life, get weary of life and
>crawl back again, get knocked up, get a new attitude, get those
>polaroids back from your old boyfriend before it's Too Late, get
>moderation in place, get your enemies banned, get your enemies killed,
>lie about it to Ken Starr, manufacture a Media Event together and hawk
>NASA patches on QVC, get voted netkook of the month, get whatever you
>want out of it and get off of other people for not agreeing with you
>that there should be pickle but not lettuce.  Unless that, of course,
>is what floats your boat.  Have It Your Way.

--
FQA 5.2 

>What NewsGroup?
>
>This isn't a NewsGroup, it's a lunacy mine, with veins of
>pseudo-Latinate quotations (well, it *was*,  until Mortis' .sig gobbled
>them all up and explodiated, quite messily, I might add [though I might
>not]), an occasional gem of ASCII art, some of it quite obscene
>(troller-I-zing JdeC, troller-I-zing JdeC!), high grade corrupt meme
>ore, and the last dump of the wretched refuse of the B-5 Flamewars,
>assorted tailings from sci.archaeology, alt.arts.ballet,
>alt.history.ocean-liners.titanic, alt,fan.mike-jittlov/bam/etc,
>and a few accidently overlooked nuggets from the Bizarro Universe.  
>Well, okay, more than a few.
>
>Just lately we seem to have struck the Mother Lode of brilliant
>musical-theater satires, and BRAVO! to LisaB, Paul Barnes, WWS, 
>BlackHawk, it was BH, wasn't it(?) and whoever else contributed.
>
>It's the subversive love-child of a spectrum of disrupted froups from 
>the heights of the Big 8 hierarchy to the depths of the ephemeral yet
>eternal alt.* jungle.  It's the forum of the almost-sane, the almost-
>crazy, the walking-wounded, the slithering-heels^H^H^H^H^Hhealed, the 
>dark side of the soul and the brightest lights in the UseNet heavens.
>It's the hangout of those who find the slack and Kibology froups
>too scrutable, too exorable, too ert, too advertent, too dignant, too
>explicable; however, you can add "in-" to all of those and still be
>right.  The Irregulars are wont (sometimes facetiously) to tell
>everyone, including themselves, what to do - without the least 
>expectation that their advice will be followed, their orders obeyed,
>and they will mock anyone who does so, which makes it Real Actual 
>Libertarianism In Action, except when it isn't.
>
>It's the Art Museum, the City Dump, the Explorers' Club, the Humane
>Society, Hyde Park Redux, the Dumbe Idea of the Week Factory, the  
>Misspellerds Guild, and the Curmudgeonly Hermit's Antisocial Society 
>(currently playing "sardines").                ^ [3] 
>
>It's the Department of Redundancy Department, and not only that,
>we repeat ourselves a lot, too, which has nothing to do with
>f*rts, despite what High-may and friends might tell you, did I 
>just say that?  Thus, we fute and refute sundry _et alia_. 
>
>It's a fun-house with warped mirrors and lurking horrors like
>Evil Auntie Clowns and detonating Krab heads, but it's also
>a stop on the trunk-line to Willoughby, where there's a park with
>a bandstand, and the Best Grandma in the World has her house,
>with an attic full of treasures that people tell wonderful
>stories about.  
>Some of them are even true.
>
>It's the last waltz, and it's the Masochism Tango,
>and it's Footnotes on Parade!
>
>It's alt.fan.tom-servo, and it has nothing to do with Tom Servo,
>except when someone decides it does, and then it *does*, for them.
>The last time the Monsters from the Id showed up, they were peeped
>into submission and slunk away to admire the show from the shadows.
>It's where everyone trollerizes their friends, and the only real
>way to trollerize is not to trollerize; it's where Irregulars
>regularly go on vacation until they are trollerized back, call for 
>Admiral Danny and Captain Infinity.
>
>I guess it's ...  home.
>
>Welcome, watch out for the goblins shivering in the branches of the 
>stark and leafless maple trees, and leave your Purple Bunny by the kerb,
>for its own protection.
>
>Either that, or it's something completely different.
>
> [1] "You lose."
>        - Silent Cal
>
> [2] "I've got a pair of BRAND NEW ROLLERSKATES,
>        You've got a brand new Key!"
>
> ... I win.
>
> {3} Yes, I know exactly where I put that apostrophe, thenkeweveddymush.
>
>But we do have great wakes.

**
Question 5 
     SO WHAT KIND OF GROUP IS AFT-S, WHO IS WELCOME HERE?

*************************************************************************
Unquestioned Peep 5

>I was thinking this thread was over before I got here.  But it may
>have turned out be a better AFT-S FAQ than we ever started out
>with!  Next time someone asks for the FAQ, we'll just send them
>this thread.  That should (not) explain everything!!!
>
>And it wouldn't be complete without a 
>
>PPPPP   EEEEE   EEEEE   PPPPP   !!
>P   P   E       E       P   P   !!
>PPPPP   EEEEE   EEEEE   PPPPP   !!
>P       E       E       P       !!
>P       EEEEE   EEEEE   P       ..


*************************************************************************
FQA 6.1 

>Explaining jokes.  Gaaah.  Then I might find out that I never really got
>them at all.  Like Charles Manson listening to a CD player for the first
>time - a Beatles CD.  "Wow, the music is so clear!  I guess they weren't
>talking to me after all."

--
FQA 6.2

>No kidding.  It is *way* more fun when you pretend your poop is some
>huge asteroid and you spit into it and pretend that you are firing
>photon torpedoes.  Sometimes, it actually works, but not if the asteroid
>is really really dense.

--
FQA 6.3

>                   I met a poster from an antique hierarchy 
>              Who said: Two vast and trunkless threads off-topic. 
>               Stand in the Usenet. Near them, on the bandwidth, 
>              Half sunk, a shattered follow-up lies, whose frown, 
>                 And wrinkled points, and sneer of cold jargon, 
>                Tell that its sculptor well those passions read, 
>              Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless posts,
>              The HAND that mocked them, and the heart that fed, 
>              And in the "Followup-To:" line, these words appear: 
>         "My name is tomservo@netcom.com ("Tom Servo"), King of Kooks: 
>                 Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!" 
>               Nothing beside remains. Round the alt hierarchy 
>                  Of that colossal peep, boundless and bare.
>                The lone and level electrons stretch far away.
>
>                                        -Peepy Blackhawkishe Shelley 
>                                                           1792-1822

**
Question 6
     WAIT A MINUTE, WAITAMINUTE! I STILL DON'T GET IT!!!!

*************************************************************************
Section 7 - CLOSING THE RIGHT LOOP (credits and final thoughts)

Please note the comments (both selected from archives and original text)
in this FQA reflect *only my view* of aft-s. I have tried to allow the
"voice" of others describe the group, but they are still my choices for
excerpts and my edits. For example, some folks will might argue that I
should have cut all the other items out and simply post Section 5.2 or
perhaps something *you* wrote that I overlooked... hmm?  

You are more than welcome (really!) to make your own FAQ for this group.
If you are like me, I suspect you will find the process to be not unlike
having ones fingernails torn out, but as an old Satai member would say,
YMMV.

The original authors of posts mutated into this FQA are as follows:

FQA  0.0: Lisa B
FQA  1.1: WWS, David Migicovsky
FQA  1.2: AFT-S FQA Vers .99 (c) Cap. Infinity
AFAQ 1  : Tibby the Turtle Song (1st Verse) - thanks to Tv's Weretorgo
FQA  2.1: Letter to friends introducing aft-s 10/97 - Cap. Infinity
FQA  2.2: cmsg newgroup message for alt.bonehead.tom-servo
FQA  3.1: AFT-S FQA Vers .99 (c) Cap. Infinity
FQA  3.2: Blackhawk's Addendum to AFT-S FQA Vers .99
FQA  3.3: Captain Infinity
FQA  3.4: Captain Infinity
FQA  3.5: WWS
FQA  4.1: Robert Holland, Blackhawk
FQA  4.2: jdn (collected from several posts)
FQA  4.3: Captain Infinity
QD   4  : Blackhawk
FQA  5.1: LisaB, WWS, Blackhawk
FQA  5.2: MQS AKA The Lady in Green (and resident Usenet Thugess)
UQP  5  : WWS
FQA  6.1: WWS
FQA  6.2: Jaime M. De Castellvi
FQA  6.3: Blackhawk

Changes for clarity and typos cheerfully fixed at the authors request. 
Original Article information and context available on request.

Those words belong to the original authors and courtesy would demand you
credit them whenever you quote them. A number of items are lifted from the
last edition (6/98) of the "Frequently Questioned Answers (FQA) for
alt.fan.tom-servo Vers. .099" (copyright Captain Infinity) which, while a
bit out of date and equally confusing as this document, is much funnier
IMHO. You can find a copy of it here:

http://captaininfinity.us/crossthreads/crossthreads.html

This is a *major* hint because so many other aft-s historical items are
hidden there IN PLAIN SIGHT!

Also worth mentioning, some people experience propagation problems due to
the occasional net k00k and numerous RMGroup messages sent over the years
(and ignored for the most part). However, a few sys-admins have indeed
elected not to carry aft-s for these and other reasons making propagation
spotty in certain areas, but mostly for one crappy little ISP in Canada.
If you want to help, ask your newsadmin (and your friends newsadmins) to
carry the group so propagation continues to improve.  Share the wealth!

You are now ready to begin posting in hopes of vilification. Consider it
an initiation test. If someone is making fun of you, you've probably
passed! It's not unusual that AFT-S posts have more than one meaning,
level or aspect to them. As a result, trolling can produce unintended
results here.  IYKWIM, ASOYD! YMMV, HTH, HANDEDTWSFOAD!

Happy Fishing!
(c) Blackhawk 8/99
(original material, what little there is, all rights reserved)
     _______
     `-----.\       _____, 
      `---- \\  .-./.---`
    ,__`---. `-`  '>---` HAWKAA!         PEEP! .-.
    `,_.-.       /`.-`                        <'  )
          ',___.'                              /  \
            "                                 | /  \
                                               \\_, \
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'--'~~~~~~~
   ~~~jgs/BH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

ASCIII ART is the property of the artists 
and their initials should always be posted with them

SPECIAL THANKS TO: 
Captain Infinity for the original FQA, his feedback and his ASCII
WWS for his sounding board (even when he was sounding bored). 
And again to both for their many helpful suggestions.

--
Excerpt From:
        Re: Groan! Not Again! (was: Fiscal re-packaging)
        Authors:  Troy Heagy
        Date:    Thu, 16 Jul 1998 19:01:37 -0700
        Forums:   rec.arts.sf.tv,rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5,
                  alt.fan.tom-servo

> Levels?  What other levels?

******************************** END OF FQA *****************************


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