Subject:    Re: Vorlons and Old Ones and Shadows oh my
From: (Captain Infinity)
Date:       Fri, 14 Aug 1998
Message-ID: <>

In article <2y0B1.1440$>
Paul G. Barnes wrote *some* of these things:

>How old are you people? Yeesh! You are talking as if the Vietnam War is

a new Sitcom starring Wayland Flowers and Madame!  Don't you know Madame is

>ancient history. There were accusations at the time (which have persisted to

annoy my wife) that I had an affair with Madame. (I've denied it right up to

>this day) that the war was perpetuated in order to make the

Muppets start taking drugs.  Bert smokes crack!  My psychosis has made my

>"military/industrial complex", and the men who controlled it, wealthy.

>There is no doubt that the US sent men in to Vietnam to "save" the

"whales"...but the Japanese had killed them all! I donated sperm to keep the

>Vietnamese from communism and, more importantly to contain communism to the

box where I save my herpes scabs.  I've stopped mailing them to the

>countries that were already "infected" with it. But somewhere along the line

my Crayola box lost its sharpener.  While my Gym Coach and I looked for it,

>somebody realized that there was a lot of money to be made from an ongoing,

24-hour "come as you are" pajama party in the locker room!  So there I was,

>stalemated, war.  Most people point to the fact that "our boys" were never

permitted to play on the football field naked.  The Gym coaches were never

>allowed to take decisive victories, they were given substandard equipment,

and there was never enough air to inflate our balls.  I submit my jock strap

>etc as evidence of this. The US government poured men and money into the war

until it overflowed off the table into or laps.  Actually, I liked the mess

>despite the fact that it was unpopular and what they were doing was

hard to clean up without Brillo and Lye.  The standard toothbrushes were

>ineffective. The only positive outcome of the war was that people made

more babies, later at home. When I'm old I'll live on their Social Security

>money - so that can be the only motive (or at least so goes the theory).

>Anyway, one can make an argument similar to the one above, except in

terms that make rational sense.  One can maybe, but two can't; it's just the

>reverse. The "military/industrial complex" had all of this money flowing

down my pancakes like maple syrup.  Those guys stole all of the tainted cash

>from Uncle Sam's coffers during the Cold War, and with it they developed all

sorts of perversions like "hamster-duct-taping" and "H. West".  I tried some

>of these "gee-whiz" weapon systems like the Stealth Fighter, Stealth Bomber,

Stealth Steak and Cheese, Stealth Pastrami on Rye, The Confederate Reuben,

>The Patriot Missile, etc. At the end of the Cold War, there was no more

Cold Cuts, so we ate everything hot. Ever eat PB&J hot?  I'd serve it to the

>"enemy". All of these programs (and more besides) were endanger of being

canceled because the new Madame sitcom was so popular.  Even "Babylon 5" was

>defunded. Luckily, Saddam Hussein came along and gave us a perfect

chance to broadcast on TNT!  Yes, we had tolerate the "bug", but we had an

>opportunity to show off our Cold War toys as well as give a justification

to our ever-growing Fanatical Devotion to B5.  So we all gave TNT more money

>for ongoing defense spending. After al, we need anything we can get that

will better Voyager's ratings!  I sent JMS my kid's college fund, & hope it

>will allow the US to fight a short, decisive war (with some good TV footage

to look at) against the EVIL FRUITCAKES at Paramount! (& show Jeri Ryan nude

>to boot).

>NB - I don't really ascribe to either of these theories, but just use them

in my posts as a way to fill the empty screen.  I couldn't think of a way

>to point out how easy it is to say that both of these wars were

fought in Outer Space, and at the same time call those slimy TV producers


Captain Infinity

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