Subject: Re: Vorlons and Old Ones and Shadows oh my From: Infinity@world.std.com (Captain Infinity) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.tv,alt.fan.tom-servo Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> In article <2y0B1.1440$dG6.email@example.com> Paul G. Barnes wrote *some* of these things: >How old are you people? Yeesh! You are talking as if the Vietnam War is a new Sitcom starring Wayland Flowers and Madame! Don't you know Madame is >ancient history. There were accusations at the time (which have persisted to annoy my wife) that I had an affair with Madame. (I've denied it right up to >this day) that the war was perpetuated in order to make the Muppets start taking drugs. Bert smokes crack! My psychosis has made my >"military/industrial complex", and the men who controlled it, wealthy. >There is no doubt that the US sent men in to Vietnam to "save" the "whales"...but the Japanese had killed them all! I donated sperm to keep the >Vietnamese from communism and, more importantly to contain communism to the box where I save my herpes scabs. I've stopped mailing them to the >countries that were already "infected" with it. But somewhere along the line my Crayola box lost its sharpener. While my Gym Coach and I looked for it, >somebody realized that there was a lot of money to be made from an ongoing, 24-hour "come as you are" pajama party in the locker room! So there I was, >stalemated, war. Most people point to the fact that "our boys" were never permitted to play on the football field naked. The Gym coaches were never >allowed to take decisive victories, they were given substandard equipment, and there was never enough air to inflate our balls. I submit my jock strap >etc as evidence of this. The US government poured men and money into the war until it overflowed off the table into or laps. Actually, I liked the mess >despite the fact that it was unpopular and what they were doing was hard to clean up without Brillo and Lye. The standard toothbrushes were >ineffective. The only positive outcome of the war was that people made more babies, later at home. When I'm old I'll live on their Social Security >money - so that can be the only motive (or at least so goes the theory). >Anyway, one can make an argument similar to the one above, except in terms that make rational sense. One can maybe, but two can't; it's just the >reverse. The "military/industrial complex" had all of this money flowing down my pancakes like maple syrup. Those guys stole all of the tainted cash >from Uncle Sam's coffers during the Cold War, and with it they developed all sorts of perversions like "hamster-duct-taping" and "H. West". I tried some >of these "gee-whiz" weapon systems like the Stealth Fighter, Stealth Bomber, Stealth Steak and Cheese, Stealth Pastrami on Rye, The Confederate Reuben, >The Patriot Missile, etc. At the end of the Cold War, there was no more Cold Cuts, so we ate everything hot. Ever eat PB&J hot? I'd serve it to the >"enemy". All of these programs (and more besides) were endanger of being canceled because the new Madame sitcom was so popular. Even "Babylon 5" was >defunded. Luckily, Saddam Hussein came along and gave us a perfect chance to broadcast on TNT! Yes, we had tolerate the "bug", but we had an >opportunity to show off our Cold War toys as well as give a justification to our ever-growing Fanatical Devotion to B5. So we all gave TNT more money >for ongoing defense spending. After al, we need anything we can get that will better Voyager's ratings! I sent JMS my kid's college fund, & hope it >will allow the US to fight a short, decisive war (with some good TV footage to look at) against the EVIL FRUITCAKES at Paramount! (& show Jeri Ryan nude >to boot). >NB - I don't really ascribe to either of these theories, but just use them in my posts as a way to fill the empty screen. I couldn't think of a way >to point out how easy it is to say that both of these wars were fought in Outer Space, and at the same time call those slimy TV producers >profit-oriented. ** Captain Infinity
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