Subject: Babylon 5: A Call To Arms Review From: Captain Infinity Newsgroups: alt.fan.tom-servo,alt.usage.english,rec.arts.sf.tv,rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5 Message-ID: <36a1349e.1122880@news-f.std.com> In article <369eac96.39492947@news.mindspring.com> Mortis wrote: >"Jason Seaver" wrote: >>facetious. > >facetious: One of the few words in the english language containing >all of the vowels in the correct order. "Correct order"? Humph! You alphabet fascists really bite my bunions. Who says that "AEIOU" is the "correct order"? Just because the alphabet is printed AaBbCcDdEeFfGgHhIiJjKkLlMmNnOoPpQqRrSsTtUuVvWwXxYyZz at the top of every blackboard in every elementary school in the America? Tell me, what so-called authority decided that this was the "correct order"? The letters get laid out in sequence like this and every child is taught that stupid song, a song which scans so badly that you have to doubletimerush through LMNOP, and then *add* scansion syllables at the end with "next time won't you sing with me"! THEN! we shuffle them "out of order" to make EVERY WORD WE SAY, READ OR WRITE! In fact, the only word that appears in the "correct order" in the alphabet is the word "NO", which is surely some hidden signal that the alphabet should not be considered to be in the "correct order" AT ALL! Oh, sure, a case can be made for A,B,C,D, maybe a few more of the beginning letters, because when the ancient Egyptians or Physicians or Aztecs or whoeverthehell it was that invented the alphabet first wrote these letters down and showed his slate or papyrus or ball of mud or whatever to his buddy next to him and the buddy said "what's that supposed to be?" the guy said "uh, I call it the 'alphabet'" and the buddy said "alphabet, huh, that's great, now put down that frigging slate or papyrus or ball of mud or whatever and help me move this giant rock before the guy with the whip comes back and beats us, we gotta get this pyramid finished before Tuesday or there'll be hell to pay." But when they got lazy and started using letters twice, like J getting reversed to become L, or M losing a flying buttress to become N, or O and Q, or P and R, or worst of all, U V and W...well you know by this time these guys were just making it up as they went along, smoking that papyrus and giggling, so any rules of "order" are pointless and dumb! Heck, in some countries they don't even *use* this alphabet! Some countries write sideways! Some up and down! In Australia they have an extra letter called the "Zed"! And in Europe they've just invented a new one called the "Euro"! Toys R Us stores write the "R" backwards! And I won't even mention those dirty Russian Commies! Any country that will pass off men as women just so they can win the Olympic swimming competitions...well, you just can't trust them in matters of "correct order" in the first place! So, Mortis & "Jason Seaver" (if those are your real names) you can take your "facetious correct order" and shove it up your elemenopee holes! Snuggles, Captain Infinity
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