Subject:    I get mail, too
From:       Scuzz Lorenzo
Message-ID: <>

>To: [me]
>Subject: Searching for Relative
>From: dodds [email ID removed]
>Date: Mon, 11 Nov
>Dear Lorenzo Family Member:
>We have recently found out that we have a brother and we are trying to
>locate him.
>His name is Tony Lorenzo
>At this time he would be approx. 50 years old
>We believe he was bron in England when our father served in the Army
>His mother's name is Betty Hawkins
>We were told that Tony came to [removed], MA looking for family on or
>before 1992.  We are not sure at this time if he returned to England or
>If you know of this Tony that we are looking for, or have any
>information,  PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  Any help that you can give us would
>be greatly appreciated.
>Thank you,
>Laura (Lorenzo) Dodd

To: [removed]
Subject: Re: Searching for Relative
From: [me]
Date: Mon, 11 Nov

Oh, yeah, sure, Tony was here last weekend.

We spent some time playing pool and then had dinner.  It was lasagna and
ham.  Tony didn't eat any ham...said something about it "gave him the
urps" or something like that.  I found that funny...after all, I had
seen him picking his nose and eating the boogers while we were playing
pool, and that didn't seem to "urp" him any.

Anyway, after dinner, we talked about the current British political
situation and flounder.  He has a great many opinions on Brit politics
and fish, let me tell you, and he's not afraid to announce them very
loudly.  I had to send the kids to bed early when he started sputtering
profanity about Thatcher and chum.  He was acting like a Tourette's
Syndrome posterboy.

Well, anyway, we shared some cheap brandy and then we all went to bed. 
During the night my wife heard some thumping in the hallway and woke me
to see what the problem was.  Tony was dragging his mattress down the
stairs, said he wanted to sleep on the lawn.  I tried to stop him, told
him it's getting cold at night here in [removed] Massachusetts, but he was
insistent, and when he threatened to stab me with a fork he had stolen
during dinner I thought "what the hell, let the old fart do what he
wants" and I went back to bed.

The next morning he was gone, and the mattress was still on the lawn.

I don't know where he went nor do I care.  If you find out, please don't
tell me.  I'm still pretty mad at him...he wet the bed that night.

--Scuzz Lorenzo

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