Subject:      Captain Infinity Goes to Hell 
            (was Re: Tropea has been reported to abuse@webtv.net)  
From:         Blackhawk <openbook@sirius.com>
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.tom-servo 
Message-ID:   <openbook-0404991105450001@ppp-asfm05--036.sirius.net>
Organization: Search for Internet Text-based Intelligence


Blackhawk Presents...

                      Captain Infinity Goes to Hell
       (or how I learned to stop pushing the river and love the bomb)
                             A One Act Play

[The entire play takes place on one set which is done up as Hell with all
sorts of "flame" effects. In the background are various "damned" souls
pushing boulders uphill - which roll over them, people having their guts
pecked out, etc. Center stage is a large red throne on which SATAN is
seated. A SPOT slowly comes up on stage revealing the set & SATAN. A flash
of light and puff of smoke go off in front of him and INFINITY steps out
of the smoke. He is wearing the purple and green costume (without the
pants naturally). He is carrying a box of marshmallow peeps in one hand
and a tall Anti-Voyager Zombie made with Capt. Morgan's in the other. He
looks at SATAN and speaks:]


INFINITY:  Hey! How did I get here?

SATAN:     Well, In article <7e412k$49q$1@camel0.mindspring.com>, 
           "Cronan" wrote:

           > You go to hell, Infinity.  You got to hell and you die.
           > 
           > Cronan
           > ...seriously
           
           and here you are!

INFINITY:  That's Bullshit, you've never listened to him before

SATAN:     OK OK, April fool! But I needed to speak with you, 
           I've had an idea!

INFINITY:  Oh yeah, well treat it kindly, it's in a strange place 
           (one of Blackhawk's stories, feh).

SATAN:     I want you to come work for me!

INFINITY:  Me, work for you?

SATAN:     Why not, some people already think you're evil, why not 
           make them right? You make people think and laugh while
           leaving chaos in your wake.  I need a guy like that. Besides, 
           there's lots of fringe benefits to working here.

INFINITY:  Like what?

SATAN:     Well, for one thing, the talent pool. For example, you could
           argue philosophy with jdn and have Sarte join in the thread
           to help trounce him.

INFINITY:  Jean Paul Sartre is down here?

SATAN:     All the existentialists are down here.

INFINITY:  Oh yes, of course...

SATAN:     How about this, you like to stop boring threads right?

INFINITY:  Yeah, so?

SATAN:     Well how about this, we have *Adolph Hitler* down here! 
           Now this is a guy who can shut down a thread let me tell you!

INFINITY:  Heh, thats pretty good.

SATAN:     I'm telling you, I can make it sweet for you here Cap. Girls, 
           classic comics, movies, marshmallow peeps, you name it Captain.
           I can grant your fondest desires if you'll simply help spread
           chaos and liven things up down here.

INFINITY:  Well, I admit that the offer is tempting, but I'm going to 
           have to pass.

SATAN:     Why?

INFINITY:  Well, it's not that the offer isn't generous, but even with 
           all that you offer, there is one thing that is vitally important
           to me that you simply can't supply me with here.

SATAN:     What's that?

INFINITY:  Ice *hic*.

                               THE END

***
Blackhawk
Next time: Cronan goes to Hell, The Quickening
"I'm burnin', I'm burnin', I'm burnin' for you" - BÖC

  

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