Title: How the Grinch Stole the Peeps! From: email@example.com (Blackhawk) Newsgroups: alt.fan.tom-servo Message-ID: Part 1 <firstname.lastname@example.org> Part 2 <email@example.com> Part 3 <firstname.lastname@example.org> Part 4 <email@example.com> Part 5 <firstname.lastname@example.org> Part 6 <email@example.com> In article <36440AA6.2B8061E2@tyler.net>, WWS wrote: > jdn wrote: > > WWS wrote: > > :firstname.lastname@example.org wrote: > > :> Paul G. Barnes wrote: > > :> : > > :> : I just heard Paul Harvey explain, in excruciating detail, the John > > :> : Glenn/Planet of the Apes joke. > > :> > > :> The end of the world is at hand when Paul Harvey even *gets* the joke. > > : > > :I knew it was officially "not funny" when a clueless relative (at least > > :he's young, not that that excuses him) sent me an AOL chain mail about > > :this "joke". (I should killfile him - but relatives, feh - what can you > > :do?) > > > > Actually, it wasn't funny in the first place. > > > > jdn > > Sheesh, you sound like the Grinch who Stole Whoo(sier)Ville. > How the Grinch stole the Peeps! (By Blackhawk and Dr. Suess) Every Who Down in Servo-ville Liked Peeps a lot... But the Grinch, Who lived just north of Servo-ville, Did NOT! The Grinch hated Peeps! The whole KPS season!, Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be his head was screwed on too tight. It could be, perhaps, that his truths were too right. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his smile was two sizes too small. But, Whatever the reason, His smile or his truths, He stood there on KPS Eve, hating the Whos, Staring down from his cave over his sour, Grinchy snoot At the warm lighted windows below in their group. For he knew every Who down in Servo-ville (such fakes!) Were busy now, all having Kermit Krab wakes. "And they're hanging their mascot!" he snarled with a sneer, "Tomorrow they'll Peep! They're practically here!" Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find some way to stop the KPS from coming!" ...All the Who then wakened from sleep Would rise bright and early. They'd rush for their Memes! And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the meme! meme! meme! meme! That's one thing he hated! The Meme! Meme! Meme! Meme! Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a Wake. And they would be sad! And they'd be Sad! And they'd be SAD! SAD! SAD! SAD! They would feast on Who-beer, and rare Who-roast Krab Which was something the Grinch thought inherently bad! And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all! Every Who down in Servo-ville, the tall and the small, Would find boring threads, with KPS posts leaping. They'd post one by one. And the Whos would start peeping! They'd peep! And they'd peep! And they'd PEEP! PEEP! PEEP! PEEP! And the more the Grinch thought of this Who-KPS-Peep, The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop these creeps!" "Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!" "I MUST stop this KPS from coming! ...But HOW?" Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Kermit Krab hat and coat. And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!" "With this coat and this hat, I look just like ol' Kermit!" "All I need is a beer keg..." The Grinch looked around. But, since kegs are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said, "If I can't find a Beer Keg, I'll make one instead!" So he called his dog, Holland. Then he took a big hose And he tied a small spigot on the top of Bob's nose. THEN He loaded some glasses And old bags that throbbed. On a fake spoiler spaceship And he hitched up old Bob. Then the Grinch said,"Giddap!" And the ship started down Toward the group where the Whos Lay a-snooze in their town. All their branes were dark. Jaimes' thoughts filled with poop. All the Whos were all dreaming lucid dreams in a loop. When he came to the first little thread on the group. "This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Kermit hissed And he climbed to the header, the old bags in his fist. Then he entered the references. A rather tight pinch. But, if Kermit could do it, then so could the Grinch. He lost his place once, for a moment or two. Then he stuck his head out of a Plain and Simple clue Where the little Who memes all hung in a row. "These memes," he grinned, "are the first things to go!" Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most mean, Around the whole room, and he took every meme! Peeps! And Milla! Butter! And Anti-Voyager Zombies! Poops! And Marcia! Farley! And Evil Purple Bunnies! He stuffed them in the old hags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly, Stuffed all the old bags, one by one, up the chimbley! Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' Wake! He took the Cheezy Poofs! He took the Krab Kake! He cleaned out that icebox as quick as passed gas Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Whoop-ass! Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. "And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the peeps!" And the Grinch grabbed the peeps, and he started to shove When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who! Little LisaB Who, who was not more than two... The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who's grin Who'd got out of bed to do the Time Warp again. She stared at the Grinch and said softly, "Kermit, , "Why are you taking all of our Peeps, eh dammit?" But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! "Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Kermit lied, "There's a Peep in this box that has a Bizarro eye." "So I'm taking it home to my library, my dear." "I'll fuck with it there. Then I'll bring it back here." And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head And he got her a JackB and he sent her to bed. And when LisaB Who went to bed with her hub, HE went to the chimney and stuffed the Peeps up! Then the last thing he took Was the brunt of their ire! Then he went up the newsgroup, himself, the old liar. On their threads he left nothing but troll hooks and fire. And the one speck of news That he left in the group Was even too small for Il Porko's poop. Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' nits Leaving followups too small For the other Whos' wit! By a quarter past dawn... He was done with their shit, All the Whos, still a-snooze When he packed up his ship, Packed it up with their memes! The ascii! The Real Love(tm)! The peeps! And the pajamas! The Bar! The Jitlov! Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Usenet, He rode with his load to the tiptop to erase it! "Fuck you to the Whos!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming. "They're finding out now that no KPS is coming!" "They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!" "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two Then the Whos down in Servo will all cry Boo Who Calloo!" "That's a squeal," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!" So he paused. And the Grinch put his toe to his ear. And he did hear a sound peeping over the snow. It started in low. Then it started to grow... But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded so, So! Could he have gone mad? But it WAS So, SO! He stared down at Servo-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he <barf>ed! What he saw was a shocking surprise! Every Who down in Servo-ville, the tall and the small, Was posting n' peeping! Without any memes at all! He HADN'T stopped the J.I.H.A.D. from coming! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same! And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the know, Reviewed all the aspects: "How could it be so?" "It came with out underwear! It came without Porko!" "It came without philtrum, Heck or Bizarro!" And he puked for three hours, till his puker was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something Heidegger hadn't before! "Maybe the KPS," he thought, "Aren't just intellectual whores." "Maybe the KPS...perhaps...memes a little bit more!" And what happened then...? Well...in Servo-ville they say That the Grinch's small <grin> Grew three sizes that day! And the minute his head didn't feel quite so Right, He whizzed with his load  through the subject morphing light And he brought back the Peeps! And the food for the Wake! And he... ...HE HIMSELF...! The Grinch, served the first Krab Kake! THE END ** Blackhawk KPS S.I.T.I. Peeps on Earth, Good memes toward men. *Peep*, Fuck you, and good night.  This is what the old bags were for   There's a Clinton joke somewhere in there too...
Return to the Blackhawk Page
contents are Copyright © Captain Infinity Productions.
All Usenet posts reproduced herein are the copyrighted intellectual property of the poster named in the "From" header.