Subject: Re: My dream hygiene From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Blackhawk) Newsgroups: alt.dreams,alt.fan.tom-servo,alt.religion.kibology Message-ID: <email@example.com> DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! The following story is a big fat lie, the names were not changed so the innocent can be persecuted. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! This is the city. Berkeley, California. Doidy million people live and work in this sprawling metropolis. Bright parks with rolling hills and bilious grellow grass cover the city known to some as largest oasis of advanced consciousness in the world. OOB's, professors on LSD, men with tinfoil hats and sensory deprivation tanks fill the area. A giant bowl of granola with fruits, flakes and nuts. Most are decent folk. Most of the time, they work hard and play by the rules, when they don't that's where I come in. My name is Moe Monday, I work here, I carry a peep. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! It was Monday - 9:06am, I was working Life Watch(tm) out of Dream Analysis(r) when the call came in, my partner is Les Smokin. LES: Let's go Moe, looks like another "Barney Rubble" sponge job. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! 9:37 am. The call was from a "Captain Infinity" in Boston, MA. Claimed his masseuse had washed his ears with a Barney Rubble sponge. In all 35 people and one chicken hawk had described similar experiences during the last week and we suspected this was simply the beginning of larger bad trip for everyone. We astral projected to the scene. 10:02 am We arrived at the home of Captain Infinity. MONDAY: You Infinity? INFINITY: Yeah, you the Peepers? SMOKIN: Yes, nice pajamas by the way. INFINITY: Thanks, would you guys like some Krab Kakes? MONDAY: Just the facts please. INFINITY:In article <firstname.lastname@example.org>, Infinity@world.std.com (Captain Infinity) wrote: > Last night I dreamed my masseuse washed my ears with a Barney Rubble sponge. > Did I need to wash them again this morning? I can't see inside my own ears, > so I don't know if they're still dirty. MONDAY: I see, and this masseuse, he also took your pants? DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! INFINITY: My what? Oh, no, I always dress like this. SMOKIN: Where does that music come from? MONDAY: Dunno, what time did you go to bed last night? INFINITY: Midnight. MONDAY: Eat anything unusual before bed? INFINITY: No, I had just finished some Salted Pork Snot and washed it down with some Pepsi Infinity, kissed Tapioca and Nellie good night and went to sleep. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! MONDAY: Tapioca and Nellie? SMOKIN: Where does that music come from? INFINITY: Don't know. That's my telepathic dog and my pet pink elephant. MONDAY: I see, and Nellie is also telepathic? INFINITY: You've made a common mistake in logic there. The actual syllogism goes like this: Nellie is Pink. Nellie is an Elephant. Some marshmallow Peeps are Pink. No Elephants are telepathic. SMOKIN: Thanks, can we talk to this Nellie? INFINITY: Sure. MONDAY: And where is the dog? INFINITY: in the bath and...OH NO, THE BABY!!!!! DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! 10:35 am After rescuing the dog from his bath and talking to him, we met with Nellie. We still didn't know where the music was coming from... MONDAY: So, where exactly were you when the Captain was having his dream? NELLIE: I was out in the back yard looking through my purse for an action movie I'd rented when I heard the Captain wake up screaming "For the world is hollow and the masseuse washed my ears with a Barney Rubble sponge!" SMOKIN: I see, Moe? MONDAY: Yes, I heard, Nellie you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent, if you give up the right to remain silent, any profits from the sale of your CD will go to the Kibological hospital for Drew Dependency. NELLIE: But what did I do? MONDAY: The Captain stated you weren't telepathic. NELLIE: So? MONDAY: So, how come we can hear you? NELLIE: Curses!!! MONDAY: Well Nellie, I guess that ruins that myth. NELLIE: What myth? MONDAY: An Elephant never forgets. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! On October 31st, trial was held in Inferior Court for the County of Berkeley. Nellie the Elephant was found guilty of practicing telepathy without a peep, cleaning peoples ears with a Barney Rubble sponge and being on-topic in alt.fan.tom-servo without poetic license. She was sentenced to watch 14 episodes of Knight Rider 2000 and the new season of VIP. _________________ ,-------, _.-"| | | | |"-._ | PEEP! | _.-"| | | | | | |"-._ '-------' _.-"| | | | | | | | |"-._ \ _.-"`| | | | | | | | | | |`"-._ _\-" | | | __|.-~|~-.| |_..|.__| | | | | "-._ " |\ | | |' | ` | \|~"~| | |`-.| | | | | " | \ | | /| _ | |) |\ | | | |\ | | | | | | | /`| a)| | | | | | | | `\| | | | | | |:` | | /| | | | | | | | | | | | |`-.||` |.-.| ( | |/ |. | | | `;|\ | | | | |`-.|`--|_.'|.;\|__/| | | .| | ||\\ | | | | _ | |:--| | | | | /| |/ | | .'| \\| | | |("\| /|/ | | | | | ' | | | | / | :|; | | |`\'|_/`| | | .\| |/`~|=-.| | |/ | `| | | | `|_.'| | | /`| || | |\ | |( | | | | | | | | |/ |\ || | | `Y| /| \ | | | | | | | | | /| Y || | | || /`| \| | | | | | | | /| | | | || | | || | || | | | | | | | | "-|-" |/__|| | | /_|_| |/__| | | | | | | | | |'""| | | '"|" |"""| | | | __|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__jgs/bh(peep) NELLIE THE ELEPHANT CURRENTLY SERVING Sentence AT TACO BELL. DAH, DAH DANT DANT, DAH, DAH DANT DANT DAHHHHHH! HTH ** Blackhawk Where does that music come from anyway?
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